Ever So Clever

At Chinese place after presented with that bowl of crunchy things that go in your soup:

T - So, these things taste like absolutely nothing. Yet, we are absolutely compelled to eat them.
B - And they're not even the good ones that look like Fritos.
T - Right - At least those are greasy. These aren't even salty like pretzels.
B - But when they plop this bowl of chipped up cardboard in front of me, all my brain says "Oh goody! Something to chew on!"

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While at the "No Right Turn Without A Green Arrow":

B - OK - Screw this, I'm going through.
T - Don't worry. People do it all the time.
T - I, however, never do it.
T - Instead? I sit and look smug while feeling far superior to everyone else.
B - THAT......will get you far.

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Random:

L - So I'm in a meeting today...
L - And I don't remember what we were talking about...Maybe a specific city.
L - And Flaming Gay Queen says -- "Well as my ex-wife always said..."
L - And all I can think is....EX-WIFE?!?!??!
T - HOLY SMOKES! Please tell me you just made that up!
L - If I'm lyin'? I'm dyin'!
T - So what you're telling me is....
T - That there exists on this planet...Or, at least did at one time, a female who actually let herself believe...That that might be STRAIGHT????"
L - I'm just tellin' ya what he said..................

Holy Smokes....................