A Night In Singles Hell

So I have a raging sinus headache...But it won't stop me from telling you about Hell In 60s Plus Singledom.

The title was "35Plus Happy Hour". I'm forty...35+ should be fine, right? WRONG! Retitle 55+. It was at Olive's..Which is a cool spot. So we figured, "How bad could it be? So it ends up a girls' night at Olives!" OOOOoooooooooooh, we were so mistaken. We walk in and Anne who is a terriffic looking 48 says "I'm old...but these people are older." And, literally, ladies with hairdo's dones once a week at the salon, men who must have stock in Viagra. Horrid. But what the hey? Let's have a good time with it and go for the laugh?

First we meet Paul - A very cool professor at Emory who had tons o' guts in just injecting himself into a group of gals to chat...Kudos Paul. Then maybe Tom? Some guy from Coke. Just a guy.

We meet a lady named Charlotte..Ok looking, somewhat heavy, doesn't dress for it well, but very nice. She approaches us later with "I need to be saved!!!" Well, we're here to help...Come on and join us. Seems the big bald guy in black in the corner told her he liked tall, chubby women...And that was why he picked her. OOOooooooh yeah - That gets the chicks every time.

So -- At one point I'm stuck by myself..Where's Anne? Where's Lisa? I'll go find them. Do a circle around the bar...See "Frank" the older or so man make a bead on me. Ok -- I'm friendly enough. I'll talk. "My dear..Can I buy you a condo, a car, a drink?" Me -- "Sure - All of the above." I make what I think is the smashingly great opening line of "So Frank, what brings you here tonight?" To which he replies...And isn't kidding, I realize, "The bus." Asks if I am on the bus line (NO), asks if my car runs after the bus line stops (thought you were buying me a car), tells me he can better show me than tell me where he lives and on and on...You get it. SCUM. And 62 year old scum!!

So I make a graceful exit with him. And he later shows back up with his friend Saul. (I have no idea if this is his real name..But they became Saul and Morty.) Saul says -- "So Morty, she's a nice looking one...She must be about 45. " Me -- I AM NOT FORTY FIVE!! Nor do I look anywhere near it. Old freakin coot. Than Saul says -- "She'll do. What's wrong with her?" Me -- "I'll DO. There is NOTHING wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!!" My god - Judged by a 65 year old. Even a lifetime prescription of Viagra gets them no points. I'll depend on ol Buzzy before that!

I'm disgusted. EEEEWWWWW!!! See why I am single???????? Note to self...Commit suicide before succumbing to Saul and Morty.