Like A Herd Of Wild Elephants

So - I've made a conscious attempt to NOT write about my cat, Maggie. 'Cause I don't wanna be one of those crazy cat people. And I really don't think I AM a crazy cat person. Our roles are defined quite clearly. I am the human....She is the animal. I make the rules. She sometimes breaks them, and she then gets punished. (Mostly yelled at and derided. A smack on the butt if I am really pushed.) Of course she IS a cat....So the punishment isn't always so effective. But there is no getting up on the cabinets or tables. No sharing of food. No pictures in my wallet. (One VERY small one on my desk.) No inclusion in holiday cards. None of the really weird stuff.

But you must hear about this one WEIRD thing she does. Other cat owners will have to tell me if this is normal. I've had about 4 other cats in my life and none of them did it. And I'm pretty sure my sis's cats don't do it. But Maggie JUST did it. It happens maybe twice a month or so.

We're sitting here...All calm-like. Me on the couch. Her stretched out on the floor. She hasn't done anything, so she's not in trouble and/or pissed off. We haven't been playing, so she's not riled up. We don't do catnip, because it makes her drool and that is just gross. She hasn't had any coffee or Coke, so it cannot be a caffiene rush. And ever since that little stint in rehab, she's steered clear of the cocaine and X (or so she assures me), so that isn't it either.

But suddenly....Out of the blue...She LEAPS up and DASHES to the back bedroom. Hops up on the bed and back off and at the speed of light races the length of the place, through the dining room and living room, to the front bedroom. Makes a quick u-turn in the front bedroom and races back. This keeps up for about three rounds. All the while, she is growling/howling in a voice as close to a real tiger as I think a domesticated feline can possibly sound. And, somehow, the feet attached to her little nine pound body hit the floor hard enough to make it sound like a herd of elephants is running through my living room. Seriously, the doors on my armoire rattle. Then she's done, and she plops back on the living room floor.

So I sit here and think: "What just HAPPENED in her head???"

• "I cannot BELIEVE she didn't give me a bite of that piece of pepperoni...And just sitting here thinking about it is PISSING ME OFF. I gotta get this anger outta me!! Let's do the herd of elephants thing."

- or -

• "I'm having a fat day. After all, I'm a domesticated feline and don't get out much. I need to run some of these pounds off. Ok - RUN! The herd of elephants thing!" Then "WHEW - Three rounds? That was enough of THAT!"

- or -

• "I need to remind her I'm the animal and not to take that TOO much for granted. What to do? I know...The herd of elephants thing!."

- or -

• "I want to just freak her out again and make her wonder what the hell I'm doing. And sit back and laugh about it. Go - The herd of elephants thing!"

- or -

• "I'm a cat and I don't think....RUN."