My Other Side

Those who know me on the surface see mostly my opinionated, talky, animated, maybe even brash side.

Rewind 30-some years? The shiest kid you have ever seen. I mean shy. To the point that my brother still makes fun of me for it.

Mom has photographic proof. We're at a family gathering...Somewhat extended family. My dad's cousins - Read: Old, scary people I don't know. The photo is of me with my dad and Uncle Bud and Aunt Evelyn hovering nearby. Too nearby for me. I am CLAMPED to my father's leg. You can see my arms wrapped around it. I think you can even see the indentations my fingers made in his pant leg. I can remember it like it was yesterday and I do believe my knees were even knocking.

And try to push me out of my shy box? Not happening. Ask for ketchup at McDonald's? No way! Then they might know about....about....about....My penchant for ketchup? (Don't try to make it make sense.) Run across the street to neighbors for YEARS and ask for a cup of sugar? HUH UH. Maaaaaybe if Mom calls first, but never on the spur of the moment. They might think I am some kind of freakish little sugar hoarder.

Now I've made it to a point in life where my mother frequently admonishes: "Trixie Jean! Do you have to tell EVERYONE EVERYTHING you think?" Well, yeah...When I'm feeling comfortable, I do.

But put me in an uncomfortable/unfamiliar setting? Shy Trixie is back in a heartbeat. Parents (other people's) especially freak me out. Many have asked later: "Does she talk?" I have to force myself with customers. Because I'm in sales, and shy just doesn't work so well there. In a bar with a bunch of attractive, strange boys? I'm part of the woodwork. Flirt only happens when you are somehow completely unavailable.

Part of me likes to think it isn't shy. It is just sitting back and soaking in the circumstances and people until I decide how and if I want to participate and react. The other part of me knows that inner 6 year old is in there clinging to Daddy's leg.

FYI.....These days, I'm ok with asking for ketchup at McDonald's. As long as it is in the drive through.