Dad -- Thanks for the Snowbow

This one is inspired by my dear, beloved, Pattygal. http://mangoagogo.blogspot.com/2005/05/world-i-know.html

We're frighteningly alike. We both had dumb boy and dad moments today. And shared them simultaneously. We know what each other is going to say before we say it. I know when something is wrong with her...And me likewise.

And we have screwed up family things alike. Specifically, losing our dads at young ages. We adapted amazingly differently. Me - Don't connect with men...Ever...Cause it is scary...Unless they're unavailable. Her - (I'm speaking for her here...So, sorry if I'm wrong.) Connect PLEASE!! Do that daddy part for me! Please!

So she tells the story of her dad sending her songs now and then. Which makes me sit and weep.

But my dad sends me things too. They're not quite as obvious. But they're so real to me.

So - Keep in mind that life prior to my dad's death has pretty much been erased. My therapist (of 12 weeks only) says it is ok and natural. We get rid of the things that scare and threatened us. So...I really don't remember 12-18. Not much. Not a lot. No detail. Just kind of a class outline.

And I don't remember much about right when he died. He came to me the night he died and told me he had to go. And it made things SO much easier. He said he was going to be ok again. Which made me feel ok again....For the first time in my entire adolescent life. It was a strange but comforting night.

So the day comes of the funeral. I remember so little. I remember cousin Steven (God bless his ever loving smart ass soul that I know is reading down on this) singing like an angel. And I remember the service at the graveside. It was April, I think. In Missouri. And it gave one of those last season snows just to remind you you live in the freakin Midwest where it gets cold whenever it wants to. So...Minister doing his thing. People with heads bowed. And snow flakes start falling. And falling. Till it is an all out snow storm. We all gasp. And I look up to the west? And there is the MOST SPECTACULAR rainbow...Wait...It isn't raining...It is a SNOWBOW...Did you KNOW they existed?? And that night came flying back. Yes - You are ok, Dad. No...You're better than ok. You are producing BIG, GLOWING IN THE SKY, FREAKIN, SNOWBOWS!!! You're better than you EVER WERE!!! I can sleep again.

I think that night I laid my head on my pillow with a peace I've never and never again might ever know. Daddy made a SNOWBOW!! Whereever he is has got to be 80 gazillion times better than here!