OK - I'll Do The Gila Monster Post Now

So - I'm mostly from the North. I know most of you don't think of Missouri as "North". But it is much more North than South. We don't say ma'am. We say pop. It gets freakin' ass COLD there in the winter. Discremination is hidden if not absent. We wear flannel. And reptiles are few and OUTSIDE. NEVER did a reptile enter our house growing up. Not in any way, shape, or form. NEVER.

First I was ever really introduced to reptilian things with legs was a trip to the Lake of the Ozarks. Great place. But they have green reptiles with legs running around on the decks. Not liking so much.

Next I think was California. More green reptilian things with legs running around outside. Still not liking this so much.

Next was friend, B's, lake house in Texas. LOTS of reptilian things with legs running around. Really not liking this. It is the combo of reptile, legs, and run that I don't like. DON'T LIKE.

So - I now live in Georgia. Cat, Maggie, is a good watchcat most times. But one day I come home......

In front door, past front bedroom/bathroom, through living room, through dining room, into back bedroom/bathroom where I ususally disrobe and get comfortable for the night. "Huh...Strange green stringy thing right between side of bed and bathroom door. Huh...What might that be?" Pick it up? IT IS COLD!!! DROP IMMEDIATELY and JUMP BACK! Whatever it is?? Maggie has gotten the tail end? And it took the rest of itself somewhere else. Although we really hope she ate it.

Somehow, calling Mom 800 miles away seems appropriate. "MOM! There is a cold stringly green/blue thing on my FLOOR!!! I think I have a SNAKE!!"

"Calm down. Maggie got him. He's dead. The snake is dead. Maggie took care of it."

I'm not so sure. So I pick up cold green/blue cold thing in a Kleenex and take it down to boy neighbors. "Is this a snake?" "That's a snake or a lizard. And your cat took care of it. It's gone. NO worries. Go back upstairs."...............OOOOOOOOOOOOok.

Back upstairs. Pick up one garment off floor.....Pick up another garment off floor. (Yes - There are garments on the floor.) THERE! There the little f-er is!!! And he is the size of a freaking GILA MONSTER!!! Shriiiiieeeeeeeeeeeek!!! And head downstairs where there are boys who can handle gila monsters.

Boy gallantly runs upstairs. Gila monster is gone. Gone. Nowhere to be found. Boy - "Here...Here's a box....When you see the Gila monster....Slap the box over him. I'll come save the day."

Somehow...Calling Mom here again helps.

Tiptoeing through bedroom....tippy...tooeeiiing.... GILA MONSTER!! SHRIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEK!!!

Boy hears me from downstairs and vaults up the stairs two at a time. "Here I come...To save the day!!!!"

Here boy! Here!!! Gila monster is behind the bookcase! Here!!

Boy pulls out book case. And .....pulls out three inch long kinda cute little lizard. And throws him over the balcony.

BUT HE WAS IN MY BEDROOM!!! AND THAT ISN'T RIGHT!!!!

Watchcat now lies just inside the front door everyday and protects from bad things like Gila Monsters.