A Reptilian Post

First off - K? Just skip this one.

The Snake Story

High school friend, Christy (of Kristi and Christy fame), is dropping me off at home her in her little stick shift Datsun back when there were still Datsuns. Going up the hill and my house is on the left. Instead of turning around and parking on the correct side, just pulls up illegally with driver on the left side. After all, she'd just dropping me off.

Redneck Dennis someone with Redneck Bobby neighbor are in their redneck car coming up the street. (Cause I grew up in the neighborhood that is mostly normal lower middle class suburbia...but just barely borders on redneck.) Redneck Dennis is in the driver's seat and pulls up on the right side of the car and starts rolling down window. I think he has something to tell me. So I, respectively, roll down my window.

And he flings in some flippy long cold reptilian object. I feel it brush across my cheek...But don't think a lot about it. It lands around the stickshift with a good portion under the seat. (We're thanking God about now snakes are not on my list of phobias.) Christy hightails it out the driver's side into the front lawn where my mother is standing. I sit perplexed. "Huh, that looks like a snake.....Must be a fake snake. Huh, those scales are awfully real.....Must be a dead snake. Huh, it's head is moving in a very live snake-like fashion....That is ONE LIVE SNAKE!" Then the 'GET OUT OF THE CAR' instinct sets in. So I try to open the door....But Redneck Dennis is parked too close. (And laughing his ass off.) The trip over the snake and the stickshift looks too precarious. So, I loft myself out of the window and up over the roof. SAFE...On the front lawn.

Redneck Dennis and Bobby are laughing their asses off. Christy and I are standing and being utterly perplexed. And my mother, who never shows emotion....let alone anger, is YOSEMITE SAM ANGRY!! I mean HOPPING MAD!!!

They take the thing out of the car...And it spans the entire width of the Datsun's hood. Probably three feet long. Yosemite Sam/Tazmanian Devil is screaming "She could have had a heart attack!! What if she was scared of snakes??? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???"

Beevis and Butthead drive off muttering "Heheheh - Snakes...Chicks...Cool."

That's enough for now. Tomorrow I'll try to fit in the lizard/gila monster in my bedroom story.