Bah Humbug Backfires

I've been thinking over the last few days that I'd blog about just how much I do not enjoy New Years. How it is my least favorite holiday - A non-holiday. How it is all hype and very overrated. How New Years as a single person especially sucks. All that. Yeah - I was gonna do that.......

And I've now been cursed with the stomach flu. Happy F-ing New Years.

Random Holiday Thoughts

4 days left and I've barely begun.

• I was a big slug doing physical shopping this year. I blame Nemo.
• Amazon has not yet shipped everything I ordered on line (yeah - at the last minute). I may be wrapping printed pages of gifts. Imagine how much a one year old will enjoy that.
• Wrapping....Haven't even started thinking about it. Cannot imagine what my back is going to feel like after finishing around 3am Saturday morning.
• Cooking - Christmas Eve, Christmas Morning, Christmas Dinner...Also haven't thought about. Will probably discuss with family also around 3am Saturday and come up with some strange melange for each.
• Hair - SCARY. Way too long, way too faded, out of all basic styling products...Look like a mutt.
• But -- To cheer things up a bit....My just now christened new holiday greeting...A palindrome (look it up): Go hang a salami! I'm a lasagna hog!

Cause it is just too fun! Merry whatever you celebrate!

My Other Side

Those who know me on the surface see mostly my opinionated, talky, animated, maybe even brash side.

Rewind 30-some years? The shiest kid you have ever seen. I mean shy. To the point that my brother still makes fun of me for it.

Mom has photographic proof. We're at a family gathering...Somewhat extended family. My dad's cousins - Read: Old, scary people I don't know. The photo is of me with my dad and Uncle Bud and Aunt Evelyn hovering nearby. Too nearby for me. I am CLAMPED to my father's leg. You can see my arms wrapped around it. I think you can even see the indentations my fingers made in his pant leg. I can remember it like it was yesterday and I do believe my knees were even knocking.

And try to push me out of my shy box? Not happening. Ask for ketchup at McDonald's? No way! Then they might know about....about....about....My penchant for ketchup? (Don't try to make it make sense.) Run across the street to neighbors for YEARS and ask for a cup of sugar? HUH UH. Maaaaaybe if Mom calls first, but never on the spur of the moment. They might think I am some kind of freakish little sugar hoarder.

Now I've made it to a point in life where my mother frequently admonishes: "Trixie Jean! Do you have to tell EVERYONE EVERYTHING you think?" Well, yeah...When I'm feeling comfortable, I do.

But put me in an uncomfortable/unfamiliar setting? Shy Trixie is back in a heartbeat. Parents (other people's) especially freak me out. Many have asked later: "Does she talk?" I have to force myself with customers. Because I'm in sales, and shy just doesn't work so well there. In a bar with a bunch of attractive, strange boys? I'm part of the woodwork. Flirt only happens when you are somehow completely unavailable.

Part of me likes to think it isn't shy. It is just sitting back and soaking in the circumstances and people until I decide how and if I want to participate and react. The other part of me knows that inner 6 year old is in there clinging to Daddy's leg.

FYI.....These days, I'm ok with asking for ketchup at McDonald's. As long as it is in the drive through.

You Can Leave Your Hat On

I had my follow up MRI today. And the "receptionist" at the MRI counter was the exact same as last time. The ""s are because the sexist me cannot quite bring myself to call that guy a receptionist.

Good looking guy. In the office alone. No one else within shouting distance. You'd think a human would be a welcome site. Me - "Good morning!"

But, instead. I get the: "Hey - Sign in. Fill out the form. Don't skip any steps. Then sign here....Turn back one page and sign here."

Great! OK! Hey - Is it ok that I wore my contacts? (Obviously, questions outside the script are not to be asked.) Is it ok that I wore my contacts?...I can't remember.... Gruff sigh -- "Yeah. Whatever. Sign."

Okkkkkkkkkey Dokey. So I fill out, skip no steps, and sign. Dutifuly hand my clipboard back to Mr Personality.

He - "You ready?"

Me - "Sure!!"

He leads be back to through the admittance area, to the "Female Locker Room", and proceeds to give me the instructions. Exact same instructions as last time...And I'm sure the bazillionteenth he's spit out this month, 40th for this day.

"Here's your gown. Your arms go in like this. This part wraps back over you. Lock the locker with any four numbers then the lock. Unlock the same way. Take everything off. Glasses, watches, jewelry. Oh --- And you can leave your panties on."

At which point...I want to double over in piss my pants laughter!! Is this really this man's soul job? To remind about the panties? Does he feel the littlest bit strange delivering his Kramer-esque speech and ending it in PANTIES? Um - What if I don't have any on? And - How do I get this job as panty reminder?

Then I wonder, as I lay in the MRI tube, why Joe Cocker's "You Can Leave Your Hat On" is implanted in my mind................

Because We Miss The PantyAssers

Trix: i have a new panty addiction
Trix: actually - i''ve always had it....i had just trained myself at my mall to not even walk past victoria's secret
pattygal: blog it... i've missed the panty assers
Trix: i don't have perimeter down as well...went past...was drawn in
Trix: so ---- found some cute 'boy cut' that i decided i had to try
Trix: cuuuuuuuuute pink
Trix: cuuuuuuuuute black
Trix: cuuuuuuuuute white --- but no white Ms
Trix: 3 for $30
Trix: ok -- i'll have 2.....that'll be $29.60 pls
Trix: uuuuuhhhhh ok --- i'll have 3
Trix: so now i have stupid pink ones w/ roses that i don't even like
pattygal: haaaaaaaaaaaaaa
pattygal: but they only cost 40 cents!
Trix: RIGHT
pattygal: so my neighbor – from columbia (not the one from the religious right) has a home internet underwear business
pattygal: she was saying that her step daughter teenager was in town
pattygal: and she finally got BIG POINTS with her bc she took her to the mall to buy underwear
pattygal: "just the cheap stuff... you know victoria's secret"?
pattygal: i said... uhhh cheap?
Trix: HUH
pattygal: bc to me... any underwear purchase is extravagent
Trix: cheap is target
pattygal: and she said i should look at her site for the REAL stuff
Trix: so -the panties i have on aren't real?
pattygal: apparently not
Trix: they certainly feel real
pattygal: unbeknownst to us... there is a spectacular level of underwear quality that surpasses terms of reality
Trix: just looked in the mirror and they LOOK real too
pattygal: i'm just saying... you're not the only one who has been fooled dear. dont take it too hard

To: The Site That Helped The Most While I Convalesced

http://www.patientupdates.org/

THAT is the most amazing place ever. Here is my Christmas gift/wish list to him:


Message:

Please, can you let me know how I can donate to your site to keep it up and running?We used you during my recent surgery and recovery...And everyone was so thrilled with the service.I am indebted to you and would like to help - Especially during this season!


Reply:

Thank you Trixie. We are so happy that our little website has been so useful to you and your friends and family. The website and the organization is a little side project that my wife and I decided to take on a few years ago. And while we had a some financial problems a few months back (hence some interrupted service), that phase has past, and things are in much better shape now. So... in a nutshell... we are happy to be of service, we are honored that you would take the time to express your gratitude, and we are stunned that you would offer to help pay the bills. But, alas, we must decline that offer. This is our labor of love, and the time, energy, and money we spend operating and marinating the site is our way of expressing our gratitude for the good fortune God has bestowed upon us (my brother survived, we have a happy marriage, and we have two wonderful, healthy kids - 2 & 4!).

By the way, the fact that you took the time to express your gratitude really makes us feel great. It's a rare, but cherished event.

Thanks again, and may God bless you and your friends and family this Holiday season.


Oh My F-Ing GOD. No? Just no? Just no because you're that nice? And now I am sitting here figuring out how I can donate even though you said no? Anyone? Any ideas?

People are really this nice???? No Christmas gifts necessary for me this years....I've already got mine.