My Little Girl Is Growing Up

Visited niece, H, for her fifth bday this weekend. You'd think her fifteenth.

We had a great time at the amusement park and the kids' bday party. Wizard of Oz theme. She got two bazillion gifts. Even the boys knew to bring girl presents. One told his mom: "She's a girl! She'll want a Barbie!" Indeed she is... and indeed she does.

So she got two ho Barbies. In ho Barbie getups. I just tied, primped, fussed, dressed, and changed as a good aunt should.

Then came the Sparkle Fairy Barbie. She was really a little more tame. Less ho-ish. Less ties, primps, fussing and dressing. Just some wings you need to install. Her garb was built in. Fused on. Her bustier was part of her. But niece, H, asks: "Aunt Trix?...Why are her nipples showing through?" Befuddled Aunt Trix: "Nipples? I don't see nipples. I see an outfit." Niece H: "There are nipples. Showing through." Aunt Trix: "I don't see nipples. I see a chest. I see her shirt." Niece H - "Nope. Nipples." Aunt Trix: "She has boobs just like me and mommy." Niece H: "No, Aunt Trix. Not like you and mommy." Aunt Trix: "Ok -- Perkier. Not JUST like me and mommy. But don't all your Barbies have those? Don't they all have breasts?" Niece H: "BREASTS? BREASTS? Aunt Trix! YOU ARE GROSS! DON'T SAY BREASTS!!" Aunt Trix: "Yeah ok H, you're right. I see a little nipple."

Then sis says to me: "Did Niece H tell you where babies come from?" Befuddled Aunt Trix agains gives the quizzacle look to sister and bro-in-law. Bro-in-law reminds: "You know when we sing? And I come across words we're not supposed to say?" Yeeeaaaaah. "And I sing BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP."? Yeeaaaaaaaaah. As in "I want to BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP you like an animal."? Yeeeeaaaah. Well the other day, Niece H says to Daddy: "Daddy, do you know where babies come from?" Daddy: "No, H, where?" Niece H: "From the Mommy's BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP."

So yeah, breasts and beeps. The kid is growing up. No more precisely - Visible nipples, boobs, breasts and beeps. I preferred when it was under rocks and cabbages and soft places to lay her head. SIGH! I'm old and the kid is growing up. God bless innocence....While it lasts.

I'll Give You Everything I've Got For A Little Peace Of Mind

So you know I idolize my mother. What you don't know is that she has a super hot line to God. Just ask and you'll be put on the TMSHLTG List. (Trixie's Mom's Super Hot Line To God.) I'm telling you...It is effective. We're not sure of the power...But it WORKS. The little munchkin has some special in.

So today I was adding my most special friend to the list. She's in need. More specifically, her mom is. And Mom and I stumbled on the topic of "happiness". We decided it is really not about being "happy". It is about being "at peace".

I wake up every day knowing I did my best yesterday...And while it may not have worked out just right? I'm going to do my best again today. And...Again tomorrow. I know that what is ahead of me is good and better. I try hard not to think about what I don't have...Or what I didn't get...Or what ails me...Or what hurts or didn't work. Call me PollyAnna. But life just works better this way. Looking forward is always better than looking back.

Then, I began to think about those who don't wake up that way. So, what occurs to you first thing? My back hurts? I'm depressed? Good lord, I have to shower again? Please don't let me run into that perky cashier at the grocery? Yesterday sucked. That guy at the gas station was an ass munch?

Do those 'unhappy' people always look back? Is it always a game of catch up for them? And do they realize you never, ever catch up?

Life is always about future. What's out there is going to be better than what we just had. That's what the next season, and new babies, and spring buds, and puppies are all about. What is to come. What is next. What is going to be.

Friend - You're on the TMSHLTG List. Trust me you are there first and foremost. But remember -- YOU have got peace of mind. YOU see the future. (Yeah - Literally.) You've given that gift to your family and everyone around you. Your daughter shines with it. THAT is the difference, my friend. And THAT is what will get you through all this.

This is to you. I love you more than anything. If this helps you through one minute...Then it was worth it. AML...Trix.

Did I Really Just See That???

So even after this post, I'm STILL going to insist I am NOT a crazy cat person. I will admit to being a huge animal lover...But not strictly cats. I'd have a dog if my lifestyle permitted. But right now, the lifestyle works with a little being who doesn't demand too much attention, feeds and waters herself for as long as a week at a time as long as I give her enough of both, and does her business in a litter box that she isn't even picky about the poo/pee freeness of. If you can make a dog do all that?....Sign me up.

So I'm sitting on my bed tonight reading a chapter of my latest book....And she is sitting in my suitcase looking out the window at birds. It is dusk and the only lights I have on are in the bathroom. (VERY bright...Just enough to read by til the sun goes down. Yes - I know...I'll go blind.) So I glance over at her and see her from behind...Back and back of head. And all around the perimeter of her body is about an inch of whitish purplish glow like it is coming from a neon light. Musta been because I was reading my book. Shut my eyes...Look again.....Still the glow. That light musta really screwed with my eyes. Shut my eyes a long time....Look again....Still the glow. Shut my eyes longer...Rub them....Look again.....Still the glow. And I continue to look....And it is still there. She turns around and gives me a very bored look...And looks out at the birds again......Still the glow.

I can see her shadow on the wall...So I know that isn't it. And it isn't just glowing on the white fur, but on the orange and black too....So that isn't it either. And I'm also fairly certain her eyes do not produce a neon glow that shoots out around her.

See? I'm a rational person here...I'm looking for every reason for it NOT to be.

Yet - OK - I'm convinced. I just saw my cat's aura.

My first thought is: "I can't tell anyone this....They'll think I'm a nut. And a crazy cat nut at that."

But then I think some more and it starts to make sense:

• I think beings can only show their aura if they don't know/care that they might have one or if they truly believe they might. For example, friends B and B would SCOFF at the thought of auras...So I could never see theirs. Maggie obviously doesn't know anything exists beyond eat, sleep, poo/pee, me, birds...So, hers can easily be shown.
• Of course, the viewer has to believe they might exist.
• You truly have to be connected to the shower to see it. And she is the being that I see and interact with the most out of every day. Even when we don't like each other all that much, we're connected. As my brother says - I'm just her person....Nothing weird about it...I just am.
• I think the body showing the aura has to truly be at rest and at peace. And since three of Mags favorite things are sitting on my suitcase, watching birds, and being bored...She was at rest and peace. No pesky visitors, or service men, or bugs, or brushings to ruin her serenity - So the aura is out.

So next? I am going to start practicing on humans. I won't try friends B&B mentioned above. I'm pretty sure I could see Pattygal's if neither of us had anything clouding our heads. (And believe me that THAT is a rare occurance.) I might be able to see Furf's if he is more of the don't-give-a-shit than scoffing variety.

I'm visiting my family in a week....So I'll try it out on my nieces. Surely the 6 month old will be up for showing hers. And as you all know...I'm more connected to 1st niece, H, than almost anyone...So hers should be viewable as well. Gonna try Mom & Sis too.

Now I'm off to see what a whitish purplish aura might mean. I'll keep ya'll updated.

5 Questions

I haven't been feeling particularly bloggy as of late...But I promised Pattygal I'd answer my 5 Questions. So here's my stab:

1. Describe the most irresponsible but simultaneously FUN thing you have ever done.

This is the one that really had me stumped. I have plenty of answers. Scads of answers. But most involve something somewhat illegal. And since I've already shared that I burned a CD on here....AND I got busted for it....No more sharing illegal stuff.

So - I came up with something terribly irresponsible for a 40ish aunt to teach her niece. But it WAS fun. And I HAD to do it....Because she doesn't have a brother. And my own brother has failed to teach her. So yeah --- I taught my 4 year old niece how to spit. Off the 2nd story balcony in their cute little downtown. I did double reinforce that you cannot actually spit ON people. Just near. (God, please don't let my sister find this.)

2. Jesus, Randy Quiad and Stella McCartney are sitting in a bar.... finish the joke.

Stella - I'm so sick of it being all about my dad the Beatle or my mom the famous photographer/vegetarian/animal lover/cancer sufferer. When is it going to be about me? The brilliant designer who hangs with people like Kate Moss and Madonna?!

Randy - You? How about me? All I hear about is how dreamy my brother, Dennis, is and when is his next movie coming out. Meanwhile, I continue to get two bit character roles as the homely but necessary-to-fill-in-a-blank-in-the-movie side kick. I hit my zenith in Christmas Vacation.

Jesus - You guys are both pathetic. All I hear about all day every day is "Your dad, your dad, your dad." My God!

3. Name your top five favorite movies of all time.

(In no particular order:)

Field of Dreams
The Big Chill
To Kill a Mockingbird
Seabiscuit
Garden State
And I also need to squeeze in American Beauty

(I admit those first two aren't even that good. I'm just stuck on them. Watch them over and over.)

4. If you could upgrade one material possesion that you currently own, what would it be and why?

I think my stereo....But it is imperative it fit in my armoire, as that is one of my very few favorite material possessions. The cd player was holding out..But now it has started skipping. So, I'd do the whole nine yards. (Thought I was gonna say car....Didn't ya, Pattygal? Music is more central to my life than transportation.)

5. If you had to give up one of these things for the rest of your life, which would it be and why? a. Sex (including masturbation) b. laughter c. alcohol d. ability to write

EASY

a. Sex (including masturbation) -- Um.....SO not happening.
b. Laughter -- Not even sure I could physically pull this off.
c. Alcohol -- Not unless they tell me it is a medical necessity.
d. Ability to write -- I am being my very literal self here, and deciding this means to take an actual writing implement in hand and put it to paper to make visual communication. I have TERRIBLE penmanship. So - EASY! And, I could still type.

6. Describe a day in your life you'd like to re-live and explain why.

This makes me sad. (Not enough to cry, Pattygal.) I was looking for a 'what was a day that was so good I have to do it again' type thing. Instead, I found a 'man, I did that day totally wrong and I want a do-over' type thing.

It is the day after my 2nd niece, S, was born. I had had a long time off from work because of the Christmas holiday and it was the 4th of January. Had what I thought at the time was pressing work stuff. So - I spent most of her 2nd day of life in a hospital waiting room on the phone with my customer and various coworkers. (Guess what? Six months later & we're still dicking around with the same stupid issues.) Then, because of an impending ice storm that night, I had to rush to the airport and home to avoid being stuck for days. All this instead of snuggling my cute, red-headed, brand new niece. I WANT A DO-OVER.

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2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will bedifferent.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

OK - I'll Do The Gila Monster Post Now

So - I'm mostly from the North. I know most of you don't think of Missouri as "North". But it is much more North than South. We don't say ma'am. We say pop. It gets freakin' ass COLD there in the winter. Discremination is hidden if not absent. We wear flannel. And reptiles are few and OUTSIDE. NEVER did a reptile enter our house growing up. Not in any way, shape, or form. NEVER.

First I was ever really introduced to reptilian things with legs was a trip to the Lake of the Ozarks. Great place. But they have green reptiles with legs running around on the decks. Not liking so much.

Next I think was California. More green reptilian things with legs running around outside. Still not liking this so much.

Next was friend, B's, lake house in Texas. LOTS of reptilian things with legs running around. Really not liking this. It is the combo of reptile, legs, and run that I don't like. DON'T LIKE.

So - I now live in Georgia. Cat, Maggie, is a good watchcat most times. But one day I come home......

In front door, past front bedroom/bathroom, through living room, through dining room, into back bedroom/bathroom where I ususally disrobe and get comfortable for the night. "Huh...Strange green stringy thing right between side of bed and bathroom door. Huh...What might that be?" Pick it up? IT IS COLD!!! DROP IMMEDIATELY and JUMP BACK! Whatever it is?? Maggie has gotten the tail end? And it took the rest of itself somewhere else. Although we really hope she ate it.

Somehow, calling Mom 800 miles away seems appropriate. "MOM! There is a cold stringly green/blue thing on my FLOOR!!! I think I have a SNAKE!!"

"Calm down. Maggie got him. He's dead. The snake is dead. Maggie took care of it."

I'm not so sure. So I pick up cold green/blue cold thing in a Kleenex and take it down to boy neighbors. "Is this a snake?" "That's a snake or a lizard. And your cat took care of it. It's gone. NO worries. Go back upstairs."...............OOOOOOOOOOOOok.

Back upstairs. Pick up one garment off floor.....Pick up another garment off floor. (Yes - There are garments on the floor.) THERE! There the little f-er is!!! And he is the size of a freaking GILA MONSTER!!! Shriiiiieeeeeeeeeeeek!!! And head downstairs where there are boys who can handle gila monsters.

Boy gallantly runs upstairs. Gila monster is gone. Gone. Nowhere to be found. Boy - "Here...Here's a box....When you see the Gila monster....Slap the box over him. I'll come save the day."

Somehow...Calling Mom here again helps.

Tiptoeing through bedroom....tippy...tooeeiiing.... GILA MONSTER!! SHRIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEK!!!

Boy hears me from downstairs and vaults up the stairs two at a time. "Here I come...To save the day!!!!"

Here boy! Here!!! Gila monster is behind the bookcase! Here!!

Boy pulls out book case. And .....pulls out three inch long kinda cute little lizard. And throws him over the balcony.

BUT HE WAS IN MY BEDROOM!!! AND THAT ISN'T RIGHT!!!!

Watchcat now lies just inside the front door everyday and protects from bad things like Gila Monsters.

A Reptilian Post

First off - K? Just skip this one.

The Snake Story

High school friend, Christy (of Kristi and Christy fame), is dropping me off at home her in her little stick shift Datsun back when there were still Datsuns. Going up the hill and my house is on the left. Instead of turning around and parking on the correct side, just pulls up illegally with driver on the left side. After all, she'd just dropping me off.

Redneck Dennis someone with Redneck Bobby neighbor are in their redneck car coming up the street. (Cause I grew up in the neighborhood that is mostly normal lower middle class suburbia...but just barely borders on redneck.) Redneck Dennis is in the driver's seat and pulls up on the right side of the car and starts rolling down window. I think he has something to tell me. So I, respectively, roll down my window.

And he flings in some flippy long cold reptilian object. I feel it brush across my cheek...But don't think a lot about it. It lands around the stickshift with a good portion under the seat. (We're thanking God about now snakes are not on my list of phobias.) Christy hightails it out the driver's side into the front lawn where my mother is standing. I sit perplexed. "Huh, that looks like a snake.....Must be a fake snake. Huh, those scales are awfully real.....Must be a dead snake. Huh, it's head is moving in a very live snake-like fashion....That is ONE LIVE SNAKE!" Then the 'GET OUT OF THE CAR' instinct sets in. So I try to open the door....But Redneck Dennis is parked too close. (And laughing his ass off.) The trip over the snake and the stickshift looks too precarious. So, I loft myself out of the window and up over the roof. SAFE...On the front lawn.

Redneck Dennis and Bobby are laughing their asses off. Christy and I are standing and being utterly perplexed. And my mother, who never shows emotion....let alone anger, is YOSEMITE SAM ANGRY!! I mean HOPPING MAD!!!

They take the thing out of the car...And it spans the entire width of the Datsun's hood. Probably three feet long. Yosemite Sam/Tazmanian Devil is screaming "She could have had a heart attack!! What if she was scared of snakes??? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???"

Beevis and Butthead drive off muttering "Heheheh - Snakes...Chicks...Cool."

That's enough for now. Tomorrow I'll try to fit in the lizard/gila monster in my bedroom story.